Most people think of The North Pole as a eternally happy and magical place.  However, no matter where you live, there are always people who get stuck with some crappy jobs.

• Stable elf - Pretty obvious one…magical reindeer leave behind their own magical presents.
• Returns/Exchanges Dept - Not surprisingly, millions of people are unhappy with their gifts.  If you’ve ever worked in customer service at a retail shop, you how aggravating it can be dealing with angry people.  These elves have to listen to all of the dissatisfied Christians of the world.
• Air Traffic Control - Santa may be guided by magical reindeer, but they still wouldn’t stand a chance if they collided with a 737.  Providing The Sleigh with a safe and stealth flight plan around the planet to every house in one night has caused more than one elf a nervous breakdown.
• Mrs. Claus’ Pedicurist - gross.
• DJ at The Arctic (The North Pole’s main club) - you know how you can get so sick of a certain song after hearing it again and again?  Most people only listen to Christmas music for about five weeks.  Try spinning the same damn cheery records all year long.  Never mind the Christmas remixes that the young elves request on the weekends.
• Santa’s PR Rep - Santa may be a jolly ol’ soul, but that can get him into trouble as well.  Covering up the messes that he creates and keeping him “clean” in the public’s eye is a stressful proposition.
• Coal Miner - Not only do these elves shoulder the burden of collecting the lumps and shattering Christmas dreams of the naughty children, but they also work under some of the harshest conditions.  Every year, at least 7 elves die from either frostbite or black lung in the little-known coal reserves surrounding the North Pole.
• Santa’s Personal Trainer - This may not sound like a hard job to tackle, but making sure that the Big Guy gets enough exercise to keep him living forever, yet also maintaining that jelly belly while on a diet of only candy, hot chocolate, fruit cake, and pie is more than a science, it’s ridiculous.
• Elf who makes Pick-up Sticks - All toy making elves have a monotonous job, but this one will make you consider taking your life.
• The Mail Room - Taking the phrase, “going postal” to a whole new level.

#10: A Vacuum Cleaner


“Merry Christmas Honey! Oh, you got some pieces of wrapping paper on the floor. You might want to vacuum that up.” I honestly can’t think of a meaner gift to get someone for Christmas, and it’s certainly the most evil that appears on this list. Let’s be honest. If anybody is getting a vacuum cleaner this year, it’s going to be from a husband who hasn’t quite thought it through to his disapproving wife. The only possible way to make this a cool gift would be to give the hands-down coolest vacuum cleaner of all time… which I’m afraid hasn’t been invented yet – and probably never will be considering that there is pretty much only one thing to do with a vacuum… which is vacuuming.

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#9: Socks


For some reason, a lot of people I’ve talked to about Christmas Gifts have an inside joke in their families that involve buying people socks. Admittedly, most people wear socks. They provide a much needed buffer between shoes and feet. Without socks, the world would smell a lot more like feet (or an Asian grocery store) than it does today. But buying somebody socks, no matter how hilarious you think it is, is pretty much like buying somebody a dental examination or contact lens solution. Yeah, we need that stuff, but it’s just not what gifts are made of.

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#8: Sweatpants


“Merry Christmas, Fatso!” Shockingly, I’ve seen a LOT of people get sweatpants for Christmas. I know, I know. The name of the college you attended is printed down the leg. But I think giving somebody sweatpants is about a mean as buying a co-worker a bottle of mouthwash.

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#7: Gag Gifts


Gag gifts aren’t funny. To anyone. They come in two varieties. The first is the product that was manufactured with the specific intent of being a gag and/or practical joke. We’re talking bug-in-an-ice-cube, black soap, and whoopie cushions (OK, whoopie cushions are pretty funny). The other variety is the gift that is so dumb, it’s supposed to be funny. One year, a friend wrapped up a pair of my old tennis shoes that I had left at his house and gave them to me as a gift. Now that I have written that out, I realize that was pretty funny after all. Maybe there is something to this gag gift thing…

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#6: Nuts


We always had nuts at my house around Christmastime when I was a kid, and I always thought they tasted like dirt. The problem with nuts is that they are fatty, which means that they spoil quickly and they also pick up the odors of pretty much everything around them. So unless you are absolutely certain that the nuts are fresh (and you simply can’t do that if they have been given to you as a gift), there’s a pretty good chance they’re going to taste terrible. Add to that the fact that any mixed nut assortment is going to be 97% peanuts anyway, nuts are a pretty thoughtless gift. I have a personal rule that I won’t gift anything that I can walk outside and pick.

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#5: Pets, But Especially a “Grow A Frog” Kit


This one wins the award for “Most Depressing.” Every year, there is a pet trend. When the Harry Potter movies came out, everybody was trying to get their hands on owls. In the 90s, with the release of 101 Dalmatians, thousands of kids got Dalmatians on Christmas morning. Of course, thousands of Dalmatians were subsequently abandoned. Aside from just being sad, pets as gifts are the ultimate White Elephants, especially if you buy someone an albino elephant. “Thanks for the awesome tie, Alice. What did I get you? Well, how does years of expense, sacrifice, and unsolicited responsibility sound?” So what’s the worst possible pet? Probably the “Grow a Frog” kit. At least with a puppy you get a loyal thing that you can hug. To add insult to the injury of having to care for a frog, the breed included with most of the “Grow a Frog” kits has a life expectancy of about 30 years.

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#4: Donations to Charity


Donating to charity is a very personal decision. Maybe you need a big tax break, or maybe you just REALLY like Sally Struthers. But it’s something that you do for yourself, not something that you do on a friend’s behalf. The better idea would be to give a card with cash inside and let them decide if they want to spend it on Charity (I’m talking, of course, about your friend’s favorite exotic dancer).

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#3: Coca-Cola Branded Presents


I applaud Coca-Cola for successfully turning Christmas into a billboard. But in my house, Coke’s only home is my fridge. Right after the “MMMmmmm…” Polar Bear commercials came out, I started seeing more Coke bric-a-brac than ever. Unless it’s a genuine Coca-cola wall clock from the 30s that I can sell on eBay and then donate the money to Charity, I’m not really interested.

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#2: Christmas Decorations


What seems like a nice gesture on the surface is simply a delayed “do not open until…” gift . You can’t use it until next year, so it’s going to sit in a closet or drawer, forgotten for at least 364 days and possibly forever.

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#1: Classic Literature Given to Children


Unquestionably the #1 spot on this list must go to classic novels that have been purchased for children. Look, I was a bookworm when I was a kid, so I’m not anti-book in any way. Nor am I anti-classic literature. In fact, those great books that I received as a kid have a prominent home in my adult library. But this is even worse than Christmas decorations. This gift won’t be appreciated for years – possibly even decades. Kids don’t want a leather-bound collection of Edgar Allan Poe. They want Guitar Hero World Tour.

This a list of the “it” gift for each year in the 1990’s.  These were the gifts that every kid had to have and every parent had to buy.  If you were on either side of the gift giving through these years this list should appear familiar.

1990 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Action Figures

Although first released in 1988, Playmates Toys expanded on their TMNT action figures idea in 1990 with the release of the Wacky Action series.  This took the original characters from the turtle universe and mixed them with themed costumes, such as Don, the Undercover Turtle and Leo, the Sewer Samurai.

This new twist on the series created a Christmas craze and every kid had to have one.  By the time the Holiday season hit Playmates had created a ton of spin-off turtle action figures thus to assure there would be no lack of options for shopping parents.  A creative spin on the action figure franchise puts Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at the top of the list for Christmas 1990.

1991 - Pogs

Pogs was a game that involved collecting little cardboard circles that had various pictures on them. You would then also have a ’slammer’ which was shaped the same, but thicker and heavier - often made of plastic or metal - and you would slam it down against a stack of pogs. You and your opponent would each contribute pogs to the pile and you kept the ones you could turn face up.

The year 1991 had the kids wanting pogs, fending for pogs, and consequently getting pogs banned from schools (the schools cited similarities to gambling). Probably the best thing to come from 1991’s Christmas pog bananza was children around the country got to see their grandparents in their favorite comic and toy shops buying pieces of cardboard and having no idea what the world had come to.

1992 - Barney Dolls

Barney pretty much owned 1992. And it is no surprise that a doll of his likeness took the cake for the most popular Christmas gift that year.

And looking back on 1992, don’t you feel kind of bad for Barney? Sure he had the hit toy of the year, but remember all the parody and ridicule he had to endure? It really is a shame when a giant purple dinosaur can’t make an honest living without the world laughing at him.

At any rate, if you were a parent of a small child in 1992, I am deeply sorry for reminding you that this was your life back then, moving on…

1993 - Mortal Kombat

We made it this far without a video game on the list but in 1993 Mortal Kombat came home. It was released on both the Genesis and Super Nintendo, much to parent’s delight.

The game had spent the previous year creating one of the biggest buzzes in arcade games ever. It was only a matter of time before it was ported to home systems. Upon console release the blood was removed from the game, but the ability to unlock it was included for the Genesis version.

Times had changed in 1993 and an electronic device was able to grab the top spot for the ‘it’ toy of the year.

1994 - Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Action Figures

Much like the Ninja Turtles had captured the hearts of children a few years earlier, it was the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ turn. The Power Rangers had a humble beginning as a live action monster fighting show with ties to Japan. Parents watched it and were confused, but kids loved it.

When the Christmas season arrived in 1994 Bandai made a smart move to create action figures of the popular characters from the television show. Their insight paid off and they took the top spot for the ‘it’ toy of 1994.

1995 - Beanie Babies

Ty Inc. founded by Ty Warner started a marketing campaign in 1995 that happened to have a product attached to it, Beanie Babies. They were sold in small communities, had an easy to swallow price tag, and were just so cute!

At the height of the 1995 Christmas season not only were parents stacking beanie babies under the Christmas tree, but kids were saving their allowance to buy beanie babies for their parents.

In the tradition of Cabbage Patch Kids, Pet Rocks, and the Slap Wrist Bracelet, you got us again Mr. Marketing Man. But just like everything else - you can probably hock those stuffed things for a nice profit on eBay.

1996 - Tickle Me Elmo

Tickle Me Elmo was the ultimate 90’s ‘it’ Christmas toy. This guy was so bad he took over an episode of The Rosie O’Donnel Show, got a bunch of people trampled, and giggled throughout the whole thing.

It’s hard to even associate Elmo with Sesame Street, but much like Will Smith was once the Fresh Prince - Elmo was once the slow puppet on S Street. But you have to hand it to him, he almost made the US forget that Christmas was the celebration of the birth of Jesus.

And not to be a one hit wonder in 2006 the TMX was released (Tickle Me X?). The product was of course a hit that shopping season - but Elmo will forever be remembered as the other King of Christmas 1996.

1997 - Tamagotchi

Tamagotchi was a key chain that made you feed it. Children, who have always been fascinated with pretending to raise a child with dolls took it to the next level with this electronic pet simulator - and they didn’t seem to mind that it was shaped like an egg with a 24×24 pixel resolution.

The Tamagotchi lived a fantastic life as the best friend of many a children during the Christmas season of 1997. But much like the pog fad, this little gadget soon met with criticism (so it goes with quick celebrity I guess) and the Tamagotchi was banned from schools across the country. Not to mention having to tend to a little gizmo every minute of the day made it hard for parents to get kids to do their homework. Soon after the 1997 holiday season Tamagotchi was left to the foreign markets.

1998 - Furby
And just when parents were happy to have their kids back out came the Furby, who spoke…Furbish. This was the 1990’s version of Teddy Ruxpin, but he didn’t help put kids to bed by reading them a bed night story - Furby demanded attention.

Much like the previous entry Furby needed to bed fed, he needed to be talked to, and after a hard night of drinking he needed his rest. Yet, some say he had intelligence (children say crazy things), and if you spent enough time with him he would start to pick up on his surroundings, and language - calling his master ‘momma’ and other short phrases.

Tiger, the makers of Furby has successfully combined every popular Christmas toy - a stuffed animal video game that needed to be nurtured like a baby.

1999 - Pokémon
Pokémon was a series of video games that came out for the Nintendo Gameboy. The gameplay was similar to the popular Zelda series, but involved collecting a wide assortment of Pokémon. These were creatures that helped you fight bad guys and basically drove kids crazy.

Not to be content with video games Pokémon spun off into a cartoon show and countless promotional images. For Christmas 1999 Pokémon had taken over. And why not? This was a perfect gift for kids of all ages and was immensely addictive.

Well that is our list. We had fun researching and writing it, we hope you had fun reading it. We hope that you are able to take what you have learned here and assess the qualities in these ‘it’ toys and determine what you should be buying this year. But then again, if not - we suggest gift certificates. Happy shopping!

Photo credits:
NinjaTurles.com, Wikipedia, Amazon, Game Trailers, Time After Time Toys, and USA Today

We know that many of you got a large chunk of your shopping out of the way over the long Thanksgiving Holiday.  But let’s be honest, many of us decided to take the time off to relax, catch up with family, and watch football.

But here we are on the first day of December.  And you know what that means - the days are counting down to a present giving deadline.  Are you ready?

During December everyone is in a mad scrabble to rack their brains for that perfect gift idea.  In the end, the best gift is often to let the gift receiver to choose their own gift.  And that is where we come in at the Gift Certificate Blog.

We look forward to helping you along with gift ideas, shopping rumors, and interesting holiday anecdotes.  Please stop back often as we will always have something insightful or fun to share.